Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
