To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
