Apparently you make a good broom.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
