Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
