We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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