I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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