Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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