why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize