just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
