Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
