My Higher Power is John Stamos
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
