I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
