He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
