So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
