Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
