if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
