forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
