My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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