God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize