told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
