I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
