stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
