Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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