I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
