I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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