White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
