Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
