watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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