but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
one might say we're banned from that church
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
