Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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