Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
