2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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