I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
