we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
