I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
