You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
