Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I didn't notice because vodka
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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