I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
