Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
