so that wasnt chicken after all
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
