i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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