I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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