first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
