You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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