She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
