i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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