Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
