he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
