And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
