Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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