I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
