If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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